You have an inventive mind and are inclined
to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same
mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you
are a fucking jerk.
PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20)
Yau have a vivid imagination and often think
you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor
influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting
your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 20)
You are the pioneer type and think most people are
quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a prick.
TAURUS (Apr 21-May 20)
You are practical and persistent. You have a
dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you
are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn
GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to
expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap
bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other
peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always
putting things off. That is why will always be on welfare and
won't be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.
LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others
think you're an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain
and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is
disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and spend
most of their lives kissing mirrors.
VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder.
This shitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold
and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos
make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult
time with reality. If you are male, you are probably queer.
Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra
women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21)
The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in
business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle
of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a
perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You
have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no
talent. The majority of Sagittarius' are drunks. You are not
worth the time of day.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You are conservative and are afraid of
taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never
been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.