Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel
like they're actually in control.
Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant,
so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes
in the closet; you "just don't understand".
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort
to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to
fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are.
That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more
physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man
*wants* to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when
there's a spider or a wasp involved.
Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't
view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing.
It might be the lottery calling.
Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they
wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.
Women think all beer is the same.
Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower.
After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment
that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds
them of how horrible things *could* be.
If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and
will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21
outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
Women brush their hair *before* bed.
Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea
about how she'll be in bed.
Women are paid less than men, except for Modeling.
Women are *never* wrong. Apologizing is the mans responsibility, "It's
there in the bible". hmmm who was it that gave Adam the apple?
Women do *not* know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?"
Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet.
The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for
two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they
will talk for three hours.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of
getting lost using a shortcut.
Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it
means that. PMS also stands for Punish My Spouse.
The first naked man woman see is "Ken".
Women are insecure about their weight, butt and breast-size.
Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
"Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language
than it does in man-language.
Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.
Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the
direction that they are heading.
a. All women are overweight by definition, don't argue with them about it.
b. All women are overweight by definition, don't agree with them about it.
If it is not Valentines day, and you see a man in a flower shop, you
can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let
into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights.
Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good
If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy
toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the
lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which
gets them in more trouble)
Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a
flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they
"left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it
Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men
Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims
to the contrary. You don't see womens trampling over Tom Cruise to get to
Gilbert Gottfried do you?