Weight Loss Program

    Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an
attempt to lose weight? He tries the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight
Watchers, etc. and none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he
noticed a small ad which read:

                        Lose weight $1.00 a pound.

and simply listed a telephone number.

    Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on the other
end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the man responded,
'Ten pounds'. The voice replied, 'Very well, put you check in the mail 
and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning.'

    About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. Here
stands a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign
around her neck stating, 'If you catch me you can screw me'.

    Well the overweight fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas,
through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally he did catch her and
when he was through enjoying himself she said, 'Quick, go into the bathroom
and weigh yourself!'. He did just that and was amazed to find that he had
lost ten pounds, right to the ounce!

    That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end
asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the somewhat less
overweight man replied, 'Twenty pounds.'.

    'Very well', the voice on the phone told him, 'Put your check in the
mail and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning.'

    At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a knock on the door.
When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blond dressed only in track shoes
and a sign around her neck stateing 'If you catch me you can screw me'.

    The chase took awhile longer this time but the man finally did catch
her. When he was through she told him, 'Quick, run into the bathroom and
weigh yourself!' He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20
pounds!

    'This is fantastic!', he thought to himself. Later that evening he
called the number again and the voice at the other end asked, 'How much
weight do you want to lose?'. 'Fifty pounds!', the man exclaimed. 'Fifty
pounds?', the voice asked. 'That's an awful lot of weight to lose at one
time.'. The overweight man replied, 'My checks already in the mail. You
just have your representative over here in the morning.', and he hung up
the phone.

   About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed and gets all
fancied up, ready for the next representative. At about 7:00 am he gets
a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees this large gorilla
with a sign around his neck stateing,

   'If I catch you I'm going to screw you'

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