The Shit List

The Ghost Shit-
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

The Clean Shit-
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there no shit on the toilet paper.

The Wet Shit-
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

The Wet Cheeks Shit-
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheek get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back.

The Liquid Shit-
That's the sort where yellowish brown liquid shoots out of your arse splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time burnin your tender anus.

The Mexican Food Shit-
In a class of it's own.

The Marketing Shit-
A turd which is special to SEP, BME and SEE in which there is so much shit coming out that you lose 5 stone in the process.

The Second Wave Shit-
This shit happens when you think you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

The Brain Haemorrahagethroughyournose Shit-
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

The Corn Shit-
No explanation necessary.

The Lincoln Log Shit-
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

The Notorius Drinker Shit-
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

The 'Gee-I-really-wish-I-could' Shit-
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

The Power Dump Shit-
The kind that comes out so fast, you've barely got your pants down and you're done.

The Liquid Plumber Shit-
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.

The Spinal Tap Shit-
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

The 'I-think-I'm-giving-birth-through-my-asshole' Shit-
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

The Porridge Shit-
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices:
  1. flush and keep going, or
  2. risk it pilling up to your butt while you sit there, helpless.

The 'I'm-going-to-chew-my-food-better' Shit-
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

The 'I-think-I'm-turning-into-a-bunny' Shit-
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splishy sounds when they hit the water.

The 'What-the-hell-died-in-here' Shit-
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't want anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out a-gagging and a-gasping for air.

The 'I-just-know-there's-a-turd-still-dangling-there' Shit-
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.

The Dangling Shit-
This shit refuses to drop into the toilet eventhough you are done shitting it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

The Secret Agent/Undercover Shit-
The kind that is disguised as a fart...just when you think you're relieving a silent fart while in a lecture...it comes out and "ambushes" you.

The Gassy Shit-
It is so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling.

The Upper Class Shit-
The kind of shit that doesn't smell.

The Suprise Shit-
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but OOPS!!-SHIT!!


Don't u just lurve all this SHIT??

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