APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________

HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ____________ GPA________

SOCIAL SECURITY #________________ DRIVER'S LICENSE #______________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________________________________

HOME ADDRESS________________________ CITY/STATE___________ZIP____

Do you have ONE Male and One Female parent?____________________________

If NO, please explain___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married___________________________________

If less than your age, explain_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Do you own a van? _________________

A truck with oversized tires? _______________

A waterbed? _______________

A pickup with a mattress in the back? ______________

A condom? _______________

Pornography? ________________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? ______________________

A tattoo? _______________

(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? __________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you? _____

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Church you attend_______________________________________________________

How often do you attend__________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? _____________________

Mother? _____________________

Priest? ______________________


Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

_____________________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

_____________________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

_____________________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

_____________________________________________________________________

E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:

_____________________________________________________________________

NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.

What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

What is the current going rate of a hotel room?

______________________________

Condoms come in packages of (circle one):
A: 3
B: 6
C: 9
D: 12
E: All of the above

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN AND TORTURE, CUXIFICATION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKES, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

________________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might want to watch your back.)


From: Tee Lee Ooi

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