NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ____________ GPA________
SOCIAL SECURITY #________________ DRIVER'S LICENSE #______________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________________________________
HOME ADDRESS________________________ CITY/STATE___________ZIP____
Do you have ONE Male and One Female parent?____________________________
If NO, please explain___________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married___________________________________
If less than your age, explain_____________________________________________
Do you own a van? _________________
A truck with oversized tires? _______________
A waterbed? _______________
A pickup with a mattress in the back? ______________
A condom? _______________
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? ______________________
A tattoo? _______________
(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? __________________________
In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you? _____
Church you attend_______________________________________________________
How often do you attend__________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
C: A woman's place is in the:
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________________
What is the current going rate of a hotel room?
Condoms come in packages of (circle one):
E: All of the above
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN AND TORTURE, CUXIFICATION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKES, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Signature (that means sign your name moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might want to watch your back.)
From: Tee Lee Ooi
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