"A good man is hard to come by."
                                               -- Old saying
                      "A hard man is good to come by."
                                               -- New saying.

Napolean Bonarparte once said, "Veni, vidi, vici!" -- (I came, I saw, I conquered) Today, they're saying, "Vidi, vici, veni!" -- (I saw, I conquered, I came)
Nothing is better than Sex. Masturbation is better than nothing. Therefore, Masturbation is better than Sex.
They were taking a sex survey in the student union last week. One of the questions they asked was, "Do you practice safe sex?" I answered, "Sure, I practice all the time! Now if I could just get someone to do it WITH me!" That brings to mind the person filling out a job application who encountered the question "Sex : M_______ F______". After some thought, he replied "I M almost every night, but I haven't F'ed in a long time."
This woman comes into a bar, see, and she's got this DUCK. And she sits down next to this drunk, and the drunk goes, "Where'd you get the pig?" And the woman goes, "It's not a pig, it's a duck." And the drunk goes, "I was talking to the duck."
This Pole got married, but he was too dumb to know what to do on his wedding night. "For God's sake, Harry," said his bride, "you take that thing you play with and you put it where I pee." So he got up and threw his bowling ball in the toilet bowl.
What is the sticky goo found between the toes of fast-running elephants? Slow-running natives.

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