Misc Bathroom Jokes

Two flies on a lump of shit, one farts....
the other one says "Do you mind I'm eating my dinner."

From: Laurence Baker


A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart.

Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have todays paper?"
The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves".


A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a BAD case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure.

At that time, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells "Spot, get down from there." The guy thinks "great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."


A man and his wife were in bed and the man farts.

His wife looks over at him and asks "What was that?"
To which her husband replies "We are playing Football. It's 7 to nothing."

After a while the wife farts. "Ha! it's now 7 to 7."

So the husband gets a big fart brewing and lets it rip and in the process he shits in the bed.

The wife asks "Did you score again?"
"Nope, that's the gun for halftime. Switch sides."


Contributed by: bob@merlin.net.au

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