Love Letters - Part 2

Read Part 1 first if you haven't already...

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have gotten things a little confused, here are the real 
reasons you did not get more than you did.

 1. Came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat.....................5 times
 2  Did not come home at all.....................................36 times
 3. Did not come.................................................21 times
 4. Came too soon................................................33 times
 5. Went soft before you got in..................................19 times
 6. Toes in a cramp..............................................10 times
 7. Working too late.............................................38 times
 8. Have to get up early to play golf............................29 times
 9. In a fight, someone kicked you in the balls...................2 times
10. Caught it in your zipper......................................4 times
11. Got a cold and your nose kept running.........................3 times
12. Coffee was too hot and you burnt your tongue..................3 times
13. You had a splinter in your finger.............................2 times
14. Lost the notion after thinking about it all day..............20 times
15. Came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book...............6 times
16. Too busy watching football on T.V............................98 times

Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid there was because you 
missed and were fucking the sheets.  I wasn't talking about the crack in 
the ceiling, what I said was "WOULD YOU PREFER ME ON MY BACK OR KNEELING?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

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