Do not continue reading if you want to preserve the childhood memories of Disney characters you've held for life.
Perusal of the following article may leave you scarred for life :)
We have all grown up knowing and loving the characters produced by Walt Disney and his successors at the Disney company.
From Mickey Mouse to Aladdin, Disney has always given us something to laugh at, someone to cry for, something to hope for and a star to wish upon.
Now, however, is has been revealed by the Disney corporation that the stars of these memorable cartoons may not have been the paragons of hope and happiness we always thought they were.
Here, for the first time ever, are the TRUE fates of your favorite Disney characters:
- MICKEY MOUSE- died of venereal disease after visiting multiple prostitutes because Minnie said "No" for 50 years.
- MINNIE MOUSE- (see MICKEY)
- PLUTO- caught by dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never claimed.
- DONALD DUCK- served as a main course at Epcot's China Pavillion.
- SCROOGE MCDUCK- died in extreme poverty after being audited by the IRS.
- HUEY, DEWEY & LOUIE- involved in an underground child pornography ring.
- GOOFY- assassinated during first term as President of the United States.
- LADY & THE TRAMP- sold to a Cantonese resteraunt.
- DUMBO- sucked into the engine of a 747.
- WINNIE THE POOH- had a heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of 570.
- PIGLET- gunned down in a mafia hit.
- TIGGER- accidentally bounced off the edge of a cliff.
- RABBIT- died of an anyurism while watching over his garden.
- ROO- smothered to death by Kanga.
- KANGA- put to death by the state.
- EEYORE- committed suicide.
- CHIP & DALE- extracted from Richard Gere's colon.
- THE RESCUERS- involved in cancer research.
- TWEEDLEDEE & TWEEDLEDUM- died of excessive weight loss at a fat farm.
- 101 DALMATIONS- sold to the Ringling Bros. Circus, were eaten by lions.
- BAMBI- shot by NRA member with an AK-47. His body was never found.
- TRON- someone pulled the plug out by accident.
- CAPTAIN EO- had a leak in his spacesuit.
- JESSICA RABBIT- backup singer for Guns 'N Roses.
- SLEEPING BEAUTY- slept until 1986, contracted AIDS from "Prince Charming."
- CINDERELLA- killed by stepsisters and stepmother in a jealous rage.
- SNOW WHITE- fell for the old "apple trick" again.
- DOPEY- 'nuff said.
- SNEEZY- died of pneumonia with Jim Henson.
- GRUMPY- executed after gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds.
- HAPPY- killed by insane gunman at a local McDonalds.
- DOC- was sued for malpractice, lived the rest of his life living under bridges and eating out of used cat food cans.
- SLEEPY- never woke up.
- BASHFUL- now a stripper with the Chippendales.
- PINNOCCIO- is now a very comfortable Ottoman.
- JIMINY CRICKET- died after impacting a windshield at high Speeds.
- FIGARO- strung tightly on a Les Paul guitar.
- ALICE (OF WONDERLAND)- institutionalized for life.
- THE MAD HATTER- died of mercury poisoning.
- DORMOUSE- drowned in a teapot.
- THE QUEEN OF HEARTS- guillotined during the revolution.
- PETER PAN- Christopher Robin's lover, committed suicide in despair.
- TINKERBELL- caught by some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid.
- MOWGLI- (see HUEY, DEWEY & LOUIE)
- BALOO- is now decorating the floor in front of a fireplace.
- THE LITTLE MERMAID- caught by Mrs. Paul's Inc.
- ABU- shot into space by NASA
- ALADDIN- was caught stealing one too many times, is now being traded nightly at Leavenworth for a pack of menthols.
- MARY POPPINS- shot down over Iraqi airspace.
- CHRISTOPHER ROBIN- male prostitute, died of a heroin overdose.