THE BALLAD OF JOHN AND LORENA BOBBIT

(sing to the theme of the Beverly Hillbillies)


Come and listen to my story of a man named John,
A poor ex-Marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night after gettin with his wife,
She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.


"Penis, that is,"
"Clean cut, missed his nuts"


Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car takin' "willie" for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple headed friend,
And tossed him out the window as she rounded the next bend.


"Curve that is"
"Pricker shrubs, Wheel hubs"


She went to the cops an confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there,"
To John Waynes' "Henry" that was waving in the air.


"Found it that is"
"By a fence, evidence"


Now "Peter" and John coundn't stay apart too long,
So a Dick Doc said, "Hey, I can fix your severed dong!"
needle and some thread is all you"re gonna need,
And the whole world waited 'till they heard that Johnny peed.


"Whizzed that is,"
"Even seam, straight stream"


Well, he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court,
With a little cockeyed lawyer since his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape.


"Video that is"
"Unexposed, CASE CLOSED"


Contributed by: Linda Kan

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